Well...I'm not going to start off this post with how neglectful I have been of my blogging duties lately because (a) I hate reading other people's blogs, only to have every other post begin with the words "Sorry, it has been such a long time since I've posted!", (b)I know you have so many other blogs and pinterest-y things you subscribe to that you don't notice how seldom I update this one, and (c) I do not feel that blogging should be considered a "duty" at all. There. No apologies.
I am going to graduate from BYU very soon. Like less-than-two-weeks soon. I think this is the sort of thing that usually causes single girls to have anxiety attacks and mid-twenties life-crises. Which is why I feel almost completely justified in my slight anxiety about my life plan. The 'almost' is thrown in that last sentence, because, well, I never really like to feel like I'm following the crowd, so it adds back into the equation a smidgen of the unjustified feelings that being 'normal' just eradicated.
That being said, I am also quite happy with the progress I have made during my time in college, and am happy with who I am as a person. I am 26. I feel like I'm 26. That is a good thing. I often am mistaken for a 20 yr old...but I can deal with that, so long as I know the person is judging me based on my looks and not my intelligence. The thing that makes me happiest about my college experience is that I did many things to intentionally challenge myself. Being a woman in the business school at BYU was not always a comfortable or an easy endeavor. I can honestly say that I felt out of place at least once a day (but usually far more often than that) as I walked the halls and sat in the classrooms among many, many men. By the end of my time here I have simply learned that great things come to though who know how to fake it. :) And, that I did...until it almost doesn't feel like faking anymore! I had a class last winter semester with roughly 35 men as my classmates. No other women. And I held my own. I will not say that the program or my colleagues, or my professors ever really made me feel inadequate or inept. Rather, the opposite is quite true; they were at time my biggest supporters and cheerleaders. (Insert funny mental image of all my classmates in their business attire... with pom-pom's and big letter signs that spell my name in glitter puff-paints) It was me who held me back during those times I was too scared to voice an idea or opinion, and it was always me who assumed that everyone was judging me for being a "hairstylist". It was in this last semester of college that I really tried to shake things up and find that lost courage I knew was inside me somewhere. I opted out of joining a group that will definitely get an "A", in order to be a leader in a group that might only get a "B", all because I knew I wanted to have my opinions heard and see what my ideas could create.
When I decided to choose a business-related major, it was because I saw a hint of leadership potential in myself, and perhaps other traits and talents that could be strengthened along the way...but it was also because I knew I was scared of entering"The Business World." What if they saw right through me, and realized I wasn't someone who liked to check the top stories in the Wall-Street Journal every morning, or that I don't care about a stock portfolio and can't even envision myself at some networking event in a pants-suit?! But because I was scared to do it, I knew I needed to. I live according to the motto, "Make a decision, then make it a good one." It's what got me through beauty school, and it definitely helped me get through BYU. It has also helped me in tough relationships with roommates and also in ward callings, etc. I think one day it might help me out in marriage. Who knows?
I am rambling a bit here. Can you tell I'm not a "journaler"?
The point is, yes; I am scared of what the future holds, and I hate it when people ask me what I'm doing next. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone because I'm not moving on to some executive position at the next Omniture-type company. But I am content to work as a hairstylist for now, and save up some much-needed money, and slowly make plans to create my own salon. No; it isn't the next Netflix or Skull-Candy...but I don't want one of those. I want to create something that is beautiful to me and I want to take my time in doing it. I want to challenge myself and work hard, and I want to support myself. If I can do good along the way; make friends, give to people in need, be the best darn employer in the history of hair salons, and go out to eat at restaurants every once in awhile...then I'm happy. I'm so happy.
That's the point.
